February 29, Friday
THUNDERSTRUCKED. After the first test of the final exams, I went straight to the St. Augustine room. Andrei received a text message from Lance. It was all around the latter’s network. He sent a group SMS asking everyone’s prayer for her mom who suffered from stroke. I was jaw-dropped frozen. I did not presume though that Mrs. Rosales was on a severe condition. Knowing how Lance’s Mama looks, she defied 40─ blooming and beautiful.
I FEEL FOR YOU. My cousin*cuzzo is very tight with Pat, Lance’s sister. She went straight to the hospital from school. We exchanged text messages regarding the incident and I learned from her that Tita Ochie was already braindead, breathing through artificial respiration. I spent the night sobbing, ignoring the exams the following day. I felt terribly morbid. I was grief-stricken because of the circumstances Lance’s family is braving through. Moreover, I was disappointed with myself for not being there for my friend, telling him it’ll be okay while patting his back, when I could’ve come. I did not opt to visit his family that day and extend my warmest consolation all for the lousy reason that his other group of friends chose to come around that afternoon. I fumbled with my core emotions.
March 1, Saturday
IN THIS CHAIN OF DOUBTS AND RAINY CLOUDS. There were moments when my eyes wandered nowhere, totally ignoring the density of the final exams. I was greatly waiting for dismissal so I can finally assure myself that I won’t be compromising for any awful excuse. And boy, how glad was I when the clock stroked two.
Friends and I contributed to bring something for Lance, his Papa and his Ate. Sam and I volunteered to purchase the food. When we reached the Mendoza General Hospital, I caught sight of my friends─ calm and collected. His other group of friends were there too. It was relieving on my part that I am there too. Then, there was Lance.
He immediately brought Sam and me upstairs in the ICU. There we were, standing before the two-door entrance, absorbing every sad microelement in the atmosphere, glancing at Lance’s Mama lying on the bed and his Papa, caressing his better half’s hands. “Brain dead na Mama ko,” Lance uttered in a vulnerable-strength-fighting- deep-grief tone. It was very heartbreaking.
It was indeed a very unhappy way to smooth the path for the march of March. There are a lot of emotions to deal with but I know if paving way for the awaited month of our senior year meant helping a friend get through a difficult time, then that’s the way I want it to be.
Darkness was falling and there were now only eight of us left. Lance brought us to the second floor. We hanged out in the staircase and the corridor, literally making it difficult for passers-by. The next thing I knew, we were having a good conversation, laughing our asses off. Lance was even laughing hard too. It did not make things better for all I reckon but at least for moments, he was able to let go of the heavy feeling. Thanks to Jose’s dilemmas. The past days had been somewhat cold for me, missing friends even though they are just there. It was very heartwarming to hear Juanito saying, “Namiss ko ‘to.” Good things really happen in an unlikely place in the unlikeliest circumstance.
THUNDERSTRUCKED. After the first test of the final exams, I went straight to the St. Augustine room. Andrei received a text message from Lance. It was all around the latter’s network. He sent a group SMS asking everyone’s prayer for her mom who suffered from stroke. I was jaw-dropped frozen. I did not presume though that Mrs. Rosales was on a severe condition. Knowing how Lance’s Mama looks, she defied 40─ blooming and beautiful.
I FEEL FOR YOU. My cousin*cuzzo is very tight with Pat, Lance’s sister. She went straight to the hospital from school. We exchanged text messages regarding the incident and I learned from her that Tita Ochie was already braindead, breathing through artificial respiration. I spent the night sobbing, ignoring the exams the following day. I felt terribly morbid. I was grief-stricken because of the circumstances Lance’s family is braving through. Moreover, I was disappointed with myself for not being there for my friend, telling him it’ll be okay while patting his back, when I could’ve come. I did not opt to visit his family that day and extend my warmest consolation all for the lousy reason that his other group of friends chose to come around that afternoon. I fumbled with my core emotions.
March 1, Saturday
IN THIS CHAIN OF DOUBTS AND RAINY CLOUDS. There were moments when my eyes wandered nowhere, totally ignoring the density of the final exams. I was greatly waiting for dismissal so I can finally assure myself that I won’t be compromising for any awful excuse. And boy, how glad was I when the clock stroked two.
Friends and I contributed to bring something for Lance, his Papa and his Ate. Sam and I volunteered to purchase the food. When we reached the Mendoza General Hospital, I caught sight of my friends─ calm and collected. His other group of friends were there too. It was relieving on my part that I am there too. Then, there was Lance.
He immediately brought Sam and me upstairs in the ICU. There we were, standing before the two-door entrance, absorbing every sad microelement in the atmosphere, glancing at Lance’s Mama lying on the bed and his Papa, caressing his better half’s hands. “Brain dead na Mama ko,” Lance uttered in a vulnerable-strength-fighting- deep-grief tone. It was very heartbreaking.
It was indeed a very unhappy way to smooth the path for the march of March. There are a lot of emotions to deal with but I know if paving way for the awaited month of our senior year meant helping a friend get through a difficult time, then that’s the way I want it to be.
Darkness was falling and there were now only eight of us left. Lance brought us to the second floor. We hanged out in the staircase and the corridor, literally making it difficult for passers-by. The next thing I knew, we were having a good conversation, laughing our asses off. Lance was even laughing hard too. It did not make things better for all I reckon but at least for moments, he was able to let go of the heavy feeling. Thanks to Jose’s dilemmas. The past days had been somewhat cold for me, missing friends even though they are just there. It was very heartwarming to hear Juanito saying, “Namiss ko ‘to.” Good things really happen in an unlikely place in the unlikeliest circumstance.
Then there were four of us left. Andrei. Sam. Zobar. Ako. As much as we would we want to be physically there for Lance, we were basically tired and sleepy too so we considered going home. Yet I kept extending the length of my stay. We went downstairs and waited for Lance since he was in the ICU. When he came down, he broke to us the news. The neurosurgeon said they would just be waiting for his mother’s heart to succumb.
I went through extremes today.
March 2, Sunday
SUNRISE DOESN’T LAST ALL MORNING. My cousin and I were walking home from the church. I was telling her stories how my friends felt about the situation, how Sam asked me “Sa tingin mo ba may pag-asa pa?” as we bought food for Lance and his family yesterday, how I felt when he said that, how I poured my despair to Zob and how Zob told me, “Wag mong isipin ‘yon.” I just reached the house when, the phone rang. It was my cousin. She told me Pat texted that their Mama passed away by 3AM. For seconds, my mind was blank. Every bone in my body was frozen and every nerve in my system was immobile. I felt dark. When she learned about it, Queen Elizabeth immediately decided to visit the wake after our family day-out.
Life is full of surprises, you know that. Money comes in an instant. Downfall happens in a snap. Fame rises in a flash. Sad to say, death may also come in the same package. :(
March 3-7, Monday-Friday
To relieve the pressure of the deadlines and clearance week, I have pictured since then that this week will be carefree. Together, we’ll all be the blithe people of the world. We’ll all just be cherishing our last days in high school, patiently waiting until the day we march down the aisle and receive our diploma. But since last Saturday, it already unfolded before me that this will not be the week as I imagined. Lance’s pain is all ours too.
SILENCE SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS. I always try to come up with the comforting words but it never seemed helpful. I do not know the perfect words to say. I am not sure of the gestures to perform. All I can do without a glitch is be there for him. And yes, my friends and I made sure if the least thing we could do sit beside him, then we’re resting our weights on our buttocks.
LET IT GO WITH THE WIND. I never saw him cry but I know he did because it is necessary. There’s a lot of truth in that. He doesn’t buy the myth that if you are a guy; you have to act in a certain way. My friends and I admired him on the way he handled the situation. Needless to say, he has given so much reason to be strong and vice-versa. As days passed, his strength all the same made us feel easy.
March 8, Saturday
CURTAIN CALL. It was my first time to attend the funeral. Again, I found myself overlayed with deep sadness. Everything on my part was kindly unspoken. Hearing Lance’s Papa cry is the saddest song ever.
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